Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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