meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
