So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
