OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
