is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
