Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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