his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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