oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
