Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
