They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize