It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
