I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
