i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
