I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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