just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
