but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
