She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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