apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
