Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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