where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
