Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
