I got chris browned last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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