im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
