i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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