dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
