my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who died my cat blue again?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
