well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
