Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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