Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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