Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
