Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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