Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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