I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What a dumb baby whore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
