bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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