i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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