Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
