we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
