Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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