How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I understand Curling. That high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is the high leading the old right now
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
