I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
