I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drake has all the answers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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