i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
