Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
