oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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