just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
