my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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