glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
