no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize