I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
