I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
