we have officially lost it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
