I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
