areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
