Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
