does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
