just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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