are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize