yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
