It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
