Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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