I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
