Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
