VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
