Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
