Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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