I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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