I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
