So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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