Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
