3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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