Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is not my ceiling
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
