well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...