So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
