i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.