My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
