oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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